Trying to stay stress free.

Okay, so I'm having a really rough time right now so I'm just going to vent. It feels as if I have just about everything on my shoulders right now, Harrison, work, Kenney, normal day to day stuff, money, you name it. I was back to work 2 weeks after Harrison was born, and it's just been go go go ever since. I went back to work so early because I didn't really have anything to do at home, Harrison was just sleeping all day, and I figured that it would help me get a routine going. I only worked for 3 hours a day for the first 5 weeks or so, then went up to 6 1/2 hours a day, to now, working until I get everything done. There is drama going on at work right now and I never feel as if I have enough time to get everything done that I need to get done. I'm constantly being pulled away because of Harrison, not that I'm complaining at all, it's just hard to get everything done that I'd like. On the other side of it, I feel as if I'm not actually working at all. I am out greeting customers every morning from 6:3o-9:30, then from the rest of the time, I'm in the office, doing bookwork, writing the newsletter, answering emails, etc., while everyone else is out with the dogs and is physically working. I feel like crap about that most of the time because everyone is working their ass off, and all I can do is just sit in the office. I'm trying to get over it, and my boss (God bless her) keeps telling me that what I am doing is important, but it's still hard to come to terms with. On top of that, Harrison is getting a lot more mobile, (he's almost crawling!) and I'm afraid of what is going to happen after he starts crawling. 1., I do NOT want him to crawl around on that floor, eww, and 2. he's not going to be happy being stuck in a pack and play for 6 1/2 hours at a time, frankly, I'm suprised he's not going crazy now. I LOVE my job, I mean, every morning, I'm so excited to get to come to a job that I love, and I'm so afraid that I'm going to have to soon give it up. Which I would for Harrison, I'd do anything for him, but it's still going to break my heart when it comes to that point. Plus, I don't want to let anyone down. My boss is just awesome, and if something happened where I'd have to quit, she'd have to pick up the slack and I don't want her to have to do that. It's just hard, but I'm sure everything will work out as it should.
Today, was especially a hard day for me. We went to the doctor for Harrison's check up, and the doctor looked at his head and said that he needs to go to a neurologist. He has had a flat back to his head for a few months now, and the doctor before said that it was just from being on his back all the time and not to worry about it. Well, then she looks at it today and says that it looks not just flat, but lopsided and she'd make an appointment asap. I was freaking out. She was telling me about sutures and how they can get fused together, and blah blah, but all I was thinking was "What if there is something wrong with Harrison". Every developmental question they have ever asked me, the answer has always been yes, and this appt was no different. Yes, he's almost crawling, Yes he can stick his feet in his mouth, Yes he is grabbing at everything, etc., so how could he have something wrong with his brain? Luckily, I work with a lot of doctors, and my favorite pediatrician brings her dogs everyday and is probably the most awesome person ever. I called her, crying, asking her what this all meant and she didn't hesistate to call me back and tell me that everything was going to be okay. She is sure that Harrison doesn't have what the doctor was talking about...cranios...something, that it's probably just positional phy..something because he is on his back when he sleeps and he's in his car seat a lot (he's in it for 3 hours every morning while we are at work). She told me not to freak out, and told me a lot about the neurologist that we are going to see, and exactly what's going to happen. I'm still freaking out a little because of course I am worried about Harrison, but he's such a happy kid, always smiling, and is acheiving all of his milestones on track, so I'm not worried about his development and neither is the peditrician. It's just a scary thing when a doctor says that you have to go see a specialist. Thank God for the wonderful network of friends I have. If it wasn't for this doctor, I'd probably be in the fetal position in a corner somewhere freaking out even more. I'll keep everyone posted on what's going on, and when we have our appointment, but since this pediatrician works for Riley and has seen lots of different cases, I'm feeling assured that Harrison just has "flat head syndrome". Sorry this is such a long post, I just had a lot to get off my chest. Whew. Off to bed.